Anyone who regularly follows Game Of Thrones knows what happened at the end of last night’s episode. For anyone who is not caught up, beware spoilers.

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The face of a true leader.

Well, it happened. After three seasons and two episodes of rage building up in all of us, that rage was finally put to rest when George R. R. Martin showed us he actually liked his fans and gave them something to chew on.

Ladies and gentlemen… Joffrey of House Baratheon and House Lannister… is dead. Cue Pharrel’s “Happy.” Fans are rejoicing, people are dancing in the street, and the overall reaction is resounding joy. I know I should feel nothing but happy, but the truth is I don’t know how I feel. Once again, Game Of Thrones has gotten a complicated reaction from me in a way I haven’t felt with another show.

Let’s back up though, the whole episode was one big cavalcade of Joffrey’s douchiness. Chopping up Tyrion’s honestly thoughtful (though clearly condescending) gift, tossing around money like it grew on weirwood trees, and putting on a comical performance of the War of 5 Kings acted out by dwarves in absurd costumes. After forcing many guests to watch a re-enactment of their loved ones deaths played for laughs, he continues to humiliate Tyrion by asking him to fight the other dwarves. When Tyrion cleverly refuses and in the process makes a veiled slight towards Joffrey, Joffrey demands Tyrion to be his cup-bearer and does everything from pouring wine on his head to purposely dropping and kicking the cup. For the first time we see Sansa show a kindred compassion towards Tyrion and help him out by retrieving the cup, the same Sansa who had to watch a dwarf comically re-enact her brother’s terrible demise.

After all this, Joffrey starts eating his wedding pie and asks for wine to wash it down, and Tyrion obliges. Joffrey continues being a complete dick in shining armor, but soon he starts choking an eventually collapses. He starts convulsing and turning purple, he vomits up blood and bile, his eyes lose focus, blood and other fluids starts spurting from his nose, and with one final tremble of his arm, he accuses Tyrion. And there, being cradled in his mother’s arms, a 17-year-old kid dies horribly.

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“Look at how shitty I am!”

Of course I’m happy that no one has to face his sadistic tendencies anymore. Of course I’m happy that justice has been served for all the reprehensible acts he has committed. Of course I’m happy that people like Sansa and Arya will feel some form of justice has been served. Of course “Aquarius (Let The Sunshine In) was playing in my head. But am I happy that a kid was murdered horribly during his own wedding? I don’t know.

Throughout the show I have seen Joffrey as a psychopath with no humanity whatsoever. He was vile and cruel, and was a monster who had to be slayed. Nothing he did was ever forgivable and in the world of Westeros, the only true justice would be to pay the price. The iron price. But last night, in his final moments, I saw him as something else. It took his violent death for me to finally see him as what he was: a kid. A bully for sure, but a kid nonetheless.

Think of the worst bully you ever encountered or perhaps saw in another film or TV show. Now imagine he was given all the power in the world, was never reprimanded by his parents, never had to face the consequences for his actions, and never felt any obligations to do the right thing. He had the power to do whatever he wanted, and already being a douchebag, his existing sadistic tendencies drove only blossomed into full on murderous psychopath. We know as a kid he had these tendencies, but they were never treated or discussed. So they went untreated and that seed only grew inside him.

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No caption can properly convey the glory of this moment.

I’m not saying that anything he did is excusable, far from it. No matter what happened, if he couldn’t learn then he had to pay. In some ways, justice has been served, I’m not denying that either. But I can’t say I’m happy that he’s dead. I can’t relish in the death of a character who not only died so horribly, but a character who could have been different had his issues been approached early on. But his mother never tried to better him, she only told him how wonderful he was and only started to question him when it was too late. The same mother who had to sit helplessly as her child died in her arms. Not to mention his father who recently has felt a sense of worthlessness at not having accomplished anything or done anything for the crown noble or heroic enough for the history books.

Don’t get me wrong, I hated the character and I think there’s a special place in the Seven Hells for him. I mean, after all, the aforementioned bullies may have killed some nerds had there been no consequences, but Joffrey actually went there. He was still a murderer and admitted to Sansa that he would eventually rape her. But I still don’t think he was evil, I think he just wanted what he wanted and didn’t care what anyone said. He even showed signs sometimes that he clearly had no idea how to run a kingdom, but that didn’t bother him, it bothered him that people saw weakness in him. A very human trait. Still a shithead though. Little brat.

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Pretty… pretty much everyone.

I won’t tell you you’re wrong for relishing in Joffrey’s demise, your feelings are justified. I’m only expressing my own confusing reaction to last night’s episode. I finally got what I had wanted ever since he had the butcher’s boy killed in the second episode, but not that I got it I feel unsatisfied. The show did a wonderful job at showing that even the most reprehensible, sadistic, vile people are just that. they’re still people. And to bring us so close to a person’s agony like that, it doesn’t matter who they are, it’s hard to watch.

One thing I’ll miss for sure is Jack Gleeson’s gleefully sadistic performance. Rarely do we get a villain we love to hate so much and Gleeson brought a pathetically whiney douchebag quality to the character that made his scenes so delicious… let me rephrase that. I’ll miss hating him, I’ll miss wishing that he would die, and I’ll miss calling him all sorts of words that I would never say in the presence of a lady.

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Farewell, ye olde douche.

Anyway, those were my thoughts, I sort of wrote as I went, sorry it took so long. And one more thing- oh never mind.

Goodbye Joffrey, you little shit.

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